Calming Anxiety With Educational Freedom

All he could think about were those two boxes he didn’t get to check. He’d given the school day his best shot, completing as many tasks as possible. Yet he still felt unsuccessful.

Despite my attempt to redirect his focus to the assignments he had completed, my son could hardly be convinced that he’d done a good job that day. He struggles with anxiety and can easily get caught up on what’s “not right.” In my attempt to plan out his school day, I didn’t realize I would be contributing to his anxiousness instead of helping him. 

Lists and checkboxes work well for me. If I only check 7 of 10 boxes, I move the uncompleted tasks to the next day without too much concern. But I’m not my son, and he’s not me. 

I knew then that we needed to ditch the checkboxes. What caught me by surprise, though, was later finding assignment lists in his room that he had been making on his own! The lists didn’t just include schoolwork. They had other tasks on them like “drink water” and “play outside,” things my husband and I often remind him to do.

My nine-year-old had his own system, and it worked for him. There were no items left uncrossed, and I learned he only added a new item after he had completed the previous task. This was huge!

My method left him feeling anxious. His method let him do math at the time of day that felt comfortable to him. While I preferred to get schoolwork done earlier in the day, he discovered he liked going out to play or jog in the backyard right after breakfast instead.

The result has been a much happier boy, one who has zoomed past elementary math and does algebra for fun. Doing things my way would have gotten us through the 4th grade on time, but doing it his way has him now exploring high school math.

Kids are so capable when given the freedom to do things their own way. Just as I discovered somewhere along the way that checkboxes work for me, children are built to grow and adapt in ways that fit their personalities. I won’t pretend I’ve mastered the balance of creating structure while allowing student-led learning, but it really is a beautiful dance. 

I’m reminded daily of the blessing it is to be their guide, as opposed to their commander, as they take the lead and do great things.